Online Dudes vs. Real Dudes

Well it's a few days after a week-long Thanksgiving break and I'm having a terrible time falling back into the swing of things. Last week was a complete whirlwind of booze, food, and of course, boy drama. I mean, forget about warm, fuzzy, wholesome, hand-holding, giving of thanks. Let's be real, time off = time to let loose!

I believe it's all the extra time on my hands that has encouraged me to do a lot of thinking lately about the complexities of real boys vs. online boys. And I've come to this conclusion: online boys have no effin chance. To demonstrate this point, I'd like to describe a few of these men (and I use the term 'men' loosely) and let YOU, the reader, decide which dude is real and which dude is a cyberdude. Bonus points for guessing who LadyBird falls head over heels for. (Yeah, just ended a sentence with a preposition-get over it! It's my mother-truckin' blog hoes.)

BTW- all descriptions are pretty much real. So yeah, no judging the author...

Dude # 1: Tall, southern accent, totally into spontaneity and live music. Text messaged me a picture of a sunset (hint: this did not make me vomit.) Just not that into me. Never saw after date # 2.

Dude #2: Tall, ex-Jesus-lover, random tattoos, gentleman, chemistry up the wazoo (no, not that wazoo!) Called me and told me he had fallen in love with his best friend immediately after our second date. Never saw after date #2.

Dude #3: Average height, average looks, takes advantage of our 4 year-long friendship, terrible taste in women. Rejected me after I professed my love. Still best buds.

Dude #4: Rock-climber, Peace Corp, beard, long fingers, straight teeth... you do the math.

Dude #5: Super long neck, world traveler, lawyer, dog-owner, boring-as-fuck. Have not heard from him after date #1. Eh.

Ok, friends- it's now time for some math.

Dude #1's qualities multiplied by the sincerity of dude #3, divided by the complexities of dude # 2, quantified by the levelheadedness of dude #5 averages out to be a guy similar to what dude #4 might look like on a dating website, BUT, in real life, would NEVER, EVER, 'effin exist!!

(This is LadyBird frustrated with the whole scenario.)

And the answer is...

Dating is super hard. There are a million different reasons things may or may not work out. None of the above guys are the future Mr. LadyBird but I'm not about to give up trying to find him!

What has been your experience with online dating? Does the fact that you met on a website take some of the fun and excitement out of it or ease some of your anxieties about meeting new people? Where are the best places to meet "real" guys in Portland? Is anyone reading this??

Research Driven Rants

As promised, you will begin to slowly get to know me through this blog. I'm sure you're at the edge of your seat.

Factoid numero dos about LadyBird is that she recently finished grad school in a field that touts evidenced-based outcomes. Because of this background I've been twirling some research topics regarding men around in my head. (More about twirling men in posts to come.)

I also decided that in order to best serve blog readers across the cyberworld, I should do a little needs assessment. So, basically what this looked like was me compiling all the info my girlfriends and I bitch about along with singleton blogs and Google searches about 'men', 'dating', 'Portland', 'suckiness' and finally generalizing this info to fit what I wanted to write about in the first place. Um, so, maybe this is not a researched based blog after all! But, nonetheless, I thought I'd let you know what I came up with.

What do inquiring minds want to know?

Drumroll please.....dadadadadadadadadadadadad



Totally None Scientific Research Topics that Should be Further Investigated

1. The probability of LadyBird ever finding a worthwhile date to bring to upcoming holiday parties (Single Case Design)
2. The correlation between Portland hipster's ball-squeezing pants and aloofness
3. A qualitative analysis of female online daters' experience (as recalled whilst drunk)
4. An (un)randomized, (non)controlled study to delineate which alcoholic beverage works best to survive a first date (I'm guessing the answer to this one is gin...)
5. A retrospective analysis of LadyBird's crappiest dates to date

And there you have it. I obviously have much data analyzing to do. So for now...

Happy Dating,

LadyBird

Ok, so maybe it's debatable

Hello and welcome (Mom). Thank you for stopping by- even if by mistake :)

As a twenty-something singleton living in Portland, OR, one of the youngest, dreariest, and most single cities in the US (based purely on anecdotal opinion), I know I am not alone when it comes to the frustrations of the dating scene here. For the past four years I have unashamedly rocked this city as an independent, single, cat-loving chic who spends her weekdays helping others and her weekends in hot pursuit of a deserving chap. Recently, I've realized I'm dangerously close to accepting the title of a "crazy cat lady" if it means I won't have to put up with yet another unsuccessful date. In order to save my sanity and hopefully, my sex life, I'm turning to humor and the company of my laptop to counteract my many dating misfortunes that arise from the countless happy hours and boring introductions. Additionally, I hope to eventually introduce you all to some of my hilariously snarky girlfriends who inspired me to write this blog during our weekly bitchfest about boys and dating.

As we get to know one another (or should I say, as you begin to cyberstalk me more frequently) you will begin to likely see some patterns and get a feel for my personality. Nonetheless, I thought I'd share a little since well, this is a blog, which is a tool with only purpose- shameless self-promotion.

The first thing I'd like you to know is that I love lists! And in the spirit of list-loving I present my first one:

Teasers of What's to Come
1. Quirky behaviors I refuse to let go of though it may land the "one"
2. Would I date me?
3. Deal Breakers
4. Things to do on a first date to guarantee a spot on this blog
5. A poser's guide to dating in P-town

Mostly, I wanted to jot those things down so I don't forget about some of the things I've been thinking about writing. And, well, I hope to spark a little interest and anticipation out there.

Because today is one of those RARE, sunny days in November, I best get my buns outside!

Happy Dating,

LadyBird